Wow! He took my by surprise. It was not a show, it was reality. Nobody is putting up an act, nobody has learnt any dialogues, it is all straight from the heart. After I saw the first show, the heroes where the people who appeared on the show and Aamir Khan took backstage. There are thousands of people like Harish Iyer, who struggle through everyday, hoping for a better dawn. Mothers’ who wish they did not have to make that trip to the abortion clinic and have to go through the pain – physical and mental. Fathers who wish they didn’t have to spend their last penny to get their daughter married. So many untold instances of so many people, the unsung heroes living in our society, around us, amidst us.

Which is precisely why I admire the initiative. I cannot say that I like the show, because it is not one. There is nothing to like about it, because it involves somebody’s life and their hardship, so how can you like someone’s hardship? That is why I say I admire the initiative that Aamir has taken to spread awareness of the multitude of common man’s issues thriving in India, often hidden under the idiosyncrasies of our upscale bureaucracy. A Government which is more bothered about filling their pockets and proving their point than bringing up the basic living standards of every Indian. Just how much does it take to ensure that every Indian has three square meals a day, children have education, are safe from the perils of sexual abuse, have jobs to earn a living and give their family a safe and clean environment? Crores and crores of money wasted on idiotic deals which top notch officials deposit in banks for a future which may or may not come. It is extremely sad to see what has become of a country which was given to its people to build and flourish more than 60 years ago. Yes S-I-X-T-Y F-I-V-E years since the British left us, and we imprisoned ourselves within the bars of corruption, poverty and greed for power.

In such dwindling circumstances an initiative like Aamir Khan’s tells the Government – Hello, now how about some real development? I would applaud Aamir Khan for using his stardom in such a manner, where he is creating an awareness of the social issues that has been crippling India. His initiative will feature as a yardstick to measure the growth of the country in terms of social behaviour and human outlook.

Hats off to this man, who perceived this idea and implemented it to showcase to the people of India, their own problems and tell them that stop, there is a way out… there is hope…

So, marriage is a social institution that a man and wife enter by legal commitments and religious ceremonies. What is important – the legal commitment or the religious ceremonies or none of the above? I belong to that stratum of people, who believes that the answer is none of the above.

I define marriage as a mutual understanding between two individuals to stay committed to each other, when they have a common or explainable understanding of the below seven key elements. When most of the below is shallow, the commitment breaks, the understanding disappears and marriage see a dead-end.

Acceptance – this is first on my list. Accepting the other person for what-who-how they are. This is of prime importance. The moment you consciously try to change the other person, you are creating a conflict in their mind about themselves. This is the biggest harm you could do to your marriage. So can you accept everything? May be yes, may be no. Therefore, what do you do about the things you cannot accept? You talk it out. If there is no way that you can reach an agreement, then my friend, you will do yourself and the other person good, by letting go.

Space – The second most important aspect is ‘space’. Yes, I understand you are at the doorstep of merging your worlds, but this is the set diagram, we learnt in school. You have two sets, Set A and Set B that are intersecting in the middle. Nevertheless, there is some part of set A which is independent of Set B, and vice versa. This is the exact nature of any happy relationship. Let your partner be, and give them the space to be themselves. The sets intersect anyways.

Change – change is the only thing that is constant in the world, somebody said. This is true of every human being. A person’s circumstances change and there is some change in the person when he/she tries to adapt to the situation. If your partner said they prefer coffee in the morning and after a few years start drinking tea, do not grumble. This is a lighter example, but what matters more is the change in emotions. If a person tends to behave different, emotionally, accept it. Every person is unique, and a single creation. How a person reacts to a particular situation would be different from another. Be prepared to accept change.

Thoughtful – this is something you need to determine before tying the knot. How important is it to you, that your spouse is thoughtful? If being thoughtful makes a world of difference to you, then you should ask this question to your “could-be” partner. If you expect a gift or expect a “Happy Birthday” greeting on your birthday, and your partner does not care, then this is a definite rift in the relationship. It is similar to the – I am good-you are good, I am not good-you are not good situation.

Communication – open communication. If you cannot have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner, then let go. You need to be able to emote, talk, and speak your mind without fear. If fear starts setting in, then normal human behavior is to cave in. Once the caving in starts, the person falls deeper and deeper into the abyss. Do not instill fear in your partner. Be a friend. I believe that Friendship is the basis of all happy relationships. If you can be a friend to your child, you will have the strongest bond with them. Similarly, in marital relationships, your spouse needs to be your friend.

Food – I would not rank this as important as the previous elements, but this is an element, I would not ignore. Food habits! How important is it for you that your spouse has similar food habits – the kind of food they eat – vegetarian, non-vegetarian, table manners, food cooked at home. Again, this is not a very difficult thing, but I have seen relationships where this matters. The spouse tries to push his/her food habits on the other person. Let be. There are people who are willing to change, to them, I would say, “Nice”. However, if your spouse is not willing to change, let it pass. Accept!

Parents – I am sure parents are a treasure to any child. The Indian system tends to believe that it is important for the wife to honor her husband’s parents and wishes, but the vice versa is not as important. Girl, if you are ready to follow the Indian system, so be it. However, if that is not the case, then ensure that you clear up the cloud around this, before taking the plunge. After a while it hurts to see how disrespectful they can get, and expect respect in return.

So don’t marriages survive without the above 7 elements? They do, they “survive”.

Now that I have shared my two cents on Marriage, let me tell you, there are thousands of books out there that tell you how to make a perfect marriage, how to fix one, how to keep up with one etc. From my perspective, this is what I perceive as important. If you have these elements in place, “everything” else falls into place.

Wish you a happy married life!

Once the budget session gave the clearance it was a wait and daily reminders to buy firecrackers on his way home. We even scared him by saying that the firecrackers would be over by the time he went to the store and we would be left watching others and not having any of our own. After some persistent pushing, an evening on his way back home, he would come home with a box of firecrackers. My brother and I leaped at the box to uncover the treasure. Happy at some exciting crackers and sad at some that he missed. We would also manage to sneak in some toy gun firecrackers (I forget what we called them), but they came in half inch wide long red strips, with bumps of concealed flash powder.. yeah “Roll pataaki”. We fed the roll into the toy gun and boom boom started the fire roll. One variant was to rub the firecracker against a rough surface with your bare hands.

Come Diwali and the first step was partition, fifty-fifty was the rule, with our mother as the referee. We opened each box and split everything in half. This was to avoid fights. The long wait for darkness and planning with neighbours regarding what time we would go down and start the ritual. We planned and planned and talked and discussed like this was the most important activity in life. As soon as the sky darkened, it was our mother’s turn to be target to our nudging. “Come on Ma, lets go, everyone is going”.

We carried candles, agarbathi (incense sticks) matchboxes, our respective bag of firecrackers. FIrst step was to find a place to establish the candle without the wind blowing it off. And then we get set go..

Lot of kannada terms here – Sursur bathi of different lengths and colours , bhoo-chakra, flower pot – small one and big one, pencil, snake, pataaki in different lenghts, lakshmi bomb, eeruli bomb, rocket, double shot, sarra.

All the diwalis where I have burst firecrackers have been with my brother. And today as I see some kids enjoying their Diwali on the street, I miss him and wish for another Diwali with him.

Happy Diwali!!