Category: Woman

“She”

On By Indu PatikkalIn father, growing up, opinion, parenting, Random thoughts, realizations, WomanLeave a comment

I am not a feminist. There is a clear distinction between being a feminist and respecting women. This post is more for men, from a woman’s perspective.

As boys, you see your mother and almost a 100% of the time, you take her for granted. She is just expected to wake up earlier than you, cook for you, ensure you have clothes to wear, check on your homework, take you for your classes, and everything else that is ‘yours’ under the sun. That is what she is ‘supposed’ to do, like as if she doesn’t have a life beyond you. Maybe her birthday or mother’s day is when you are forced to take a pause and look at her. Maybe on these days you notice the wrinkles on her hands, the dark lines under her eyes, her unkept hair, or simply how tired she looks. This is only if you care to look at her on Mother’s day or her birthday or any other day.

I know I am talking about extreme boys habits, but I firmly believe most boys/men are this kind. The “nicer” kind are rare.

As a mother she assumes that she was born to nurture and provide for her children. She forgets that she is an individual as well.

Some of you have sisters. You take them for granted as well. They are there, yes, just there. You don’t really learn to respect her as a woman. She is either a second mother or a friend.

Then you have aunts, grandmothers etc, and they are also, just there.

Maybe you respect your teachers, but they are on a different plane altogether.

You have girls as friends. In your growing years, your girl-friends are probably attraction or maybe good friends. I wonder if you respect her as a woman.

After all these brushes with women, you get married. In your formative years, you have most likely failed to understand a woman. Your wife walks in, and she becomes another to-be-taken-for-granted-soul in your household. You fail to realize that she was an equally respected individual in another family. She is a completely unique individual, just like you. She has likes, dislikes, preferences, challenges just like you. Her parents earned hard to provide her an education, most likely as equal as yours, or sometimes higher. She was not born to cook for you, wash your clothes, keep your house clean and look after your kids, just like how your mother was not or your sister was not, then why do you expect this of her?

As I write this I realize, that boys/men are never taught to respect the ‘woman’ unless there was a man in the house, who had already mastered this art and ensured that he passed on his learnings to his son! 🙂

So a mother can teach her sons how to respect women, but its the father who needs to show how its done!

Prince Charming

On By Indu PatikkalIn marriage, opinion, Random thoughts, realizations, WomanLeave a comment

One of my friends today was pouring out her woes on how she is engulfed with guilt that she cannot get her arms around everything at home and work. Nothing is completed perfectly, leaving everything half baked piling up on the guilt factor.

I told her, to stop killing herself. There is only this much each person can do. And we have another person living under the same roof who is equally responsible for everything we do. The overtime we do is making up for the things that the other half so conveniently ignores.

Every girl has an image of her prince charming. She grows up with it. Its like its in her genes to form the image. Okay, atleast most girls. There are some who don’t. The unlucky few. They get married and then start forming the image of Mr. Prince. Duh! Sorry girl, too late.

I believe most girls look for the below basic qualities in her spouse –

Mr. Prince should be her best friend. This is the shortest sentence I can possible write about the person she would desire to spend her life with. A person she can talk to, to any length, about anything under the sun, with no pretense or hiding.

Mr. Prince should consider her a friend. She should be his best friend. He should be able to share everything with her. That’s when the relationship is balanced.

Mr. Prince should respect her opinion whether he likes it or not. He can disagree, she is fine with that, but he should not shove her opinion into the trash bag.

Mr. Prince should know her interests. What she likes, what she doesn’t like and stay by her at every occasion where she likes something or dislikes.. He should encourage her likes and not blame her for her dislikes.

Mr. Prince should be interested in the children they ‘produce’ (for lack of a better word) and their lives. The children should be a joint first priority and they should grow up in a happy environment.

Mr. Prince should not judge her. As Sreedevi’s character in English Vinglish says, family should not be judgemental. ‘We are in this together, come what may’. When one person starts judging the other, you are separated.

Mr. Prince should pamper her. Okay, that’s a big ask. Atleast occasionally, with flowers, with a movie, dinner, small talk or whatever her interests are.

To guys who are reading this, if you have got your cards right, your lady will treat you like a king. If you get your basics wrong, boy you are in for hell.

What if you marry the wrong Prince? You literally cannot go back and say, uh oh! sorry, you got the wrong one. I know the stylish, famous and ‘in-thing’ now is a divorce, but no! You just talk… 🙂 That is where you need to put in overtime, not to do his chores, but to make it work..

The Indian Woman

On By Indu PatikkalIn Random thoughts, WomanLeave a comment
So much has been written about the Indian Woman. I am going to add to the foray of words, perceptions and perspectives about the Indian Woman. ‘A Woman of Substance’, ‘The Silent Endurer’ is some of the phrases attributed to her in the articles I have read. So what is the Indian Woman?

To me, she is the body wrapped adequately, sometimes more than needed, who ensures that she is awake before the family is ready for breakfast. She makes breakfast and feeds the family. She packs off her children to school and rushes to work and/or to her daily chores. Come evening, and she is teaching the children, helping them do their homework, cooking dinner for the family. She makes sure her family is fed. She is almost always the last one to sleep. During all this, she does the laundry; she gets the grocery, plans the next day’s meals, and works with the maid to keep the house neat and tidy. And, she does this day after day after day after day till her limbs stop supporting her. There are the Sonia Gandhi’s, Indira Noorie’s of the world, but those are exceptions. What I am trying to say is that the ‘normal’ Indian Woman is not Aiswarya Rai Bachchan, Sonia Gandhi or Sonam Kapoor for that matter whom the world claims to be the Indian Woman. She is the lady you will see at the grocery vendor, the lady behind the counter at a bank, the lady at school managing a group of 50 children, the lady who walks into your house every day, promptly at 7.30am to clean your house, the lady who picks up the garbage from the apartments, the lady who sells fish by the roadside to make a living for her family. She is the Indian Woman and the Woman of Substance.

It has been raining continuously in my part of the world over the past few days. The rain Gods decide to bless us right when children are set to board the bus, people are getting to work or heading out for lunch. How can I miss the getting-back-home time? As I drive back home from work in my air-conditioned car with music playing on my stereo system, probably a Rhim-Jhim-Gire-Saawan, to suit the weather, I see them. One is holding an umbrella in one hand, and in the other hand she has a bag of grocery, her heavy shoulder bag balancing on her shoulder. She is walking fast to catch the bus. There is another one on the bike holding an umbrella, while her husband tries to steer through the traffic, shielded by a raincoat, yet half-soaked. I see her finding her way, balancing her child’s school bag, umbrella, getting wet, yet protecting her child. I see them everywhere, and I realize that I am so privileged to have a car to drive back home, not soaked.

If you travel by the day trains connecting cities, you will find them; some have started from home at 5am, after preparing breakfast, lunch boxes packed. In the evening you will find them cutting vegetables on the train, to save time. She is carrying a load on her head at a construction site, while her child is playing in the gravel heaped on the side of the road. After the day’s work, she builds a makeshift fire on the footpath and cooks food for her family. Everyone on their own paths, their destinies; they have their share of problems, inadequacies, yet they go on.

How many of these women would have to submit to their husband’s physical needs by night.. Yes for the most part of India the woman still submits to the needs of the husband.
I am not a feminist. Men and Women have their own purpose to serve. But I do believe that we, women, are much stronger than men. We see so much, we endure so much, our brains are wired, not one thought is by itself, and yet we s-m-i-l-e. And we are the women of substance… You and I…

What I salute is her spirit to muster the energy to wake up, to each dawn and do what she did yesterday and the day before and the day before that; knowing what is in store for her and yet she does not give up.

PS: Yes, I will write about the Indian Man, next 🙂