I have wrestled with the concept of ‘self-respect’ for as long as I can remember. I am not sure why I didn’t have a grasp on what this meant in general or to me. The first time this word hit me was when someone in college asked me if I had no self-respect because I pursued a guy for many years. I did not understand what he meant. What was the problem in pursuing someone I really loved? As I moved into my thirties, I pretty much said ‘yes’ to everyone. I was so involved with raising my children, that such concepts had no place in my everyday. It was a wake-up to bedtime circus that went on for years and years.
This was the time when I was completely malleable. I poured like water from one container to the other taking its shape. Looking back, I’d say, a low point maybe as an individual, but extremely content as a mother. As I stepped into my forties, life began all over again and I realized self-respect is identifying your values or simply, where do you draw the line and staying within the line. I hope I am right, because such concepts of the mind are too complicated for me. I am a black and white person, no in between the lines, no looking beyond the words. People have taken advantage of this, but that is fine.
Finally, I have the pen in my hand and I am drawing the boundaries. It feels different, a little too late I guess, but better late than never, right?