Tag: life

#metoo

On By Indu PatikkalIn Random thoughtsLeave a comment

I learnt about what #metoo means when I looked up a Malayalam actress’s post. She is a celebrity and can put it. Nobody would care because she is famous and not married. But what ties all women who have had a bad experience to narrate is that they know the feeling, the agony, the umpteen times they have tried to put it out of their system. But it stays like rotten fungus, etched in her memory. The bastard ( I have no lesser word for them) forgets it like eating breakfast that day. 

How many Indian women from middle class families would admit that they were at some point in their life sexually assaulted or abused or whatever crap one wants to call it, for fear of the reaction of their immediate families? Even if the woman has an open mind does her partner or family have an open mind to accept without contempt that the woman close to them went through a harrowing experience which they can’t even begin to imagine? Many men probably attach behavior patterns of the woman with this past experience as if she had a say in the act. She was probably less than ten years of age when she didn’t even recognize her body parts. She was probably a woman with dreams that were crushed because of the bastard’s whim. She was probably a woman who has sons the age of the bastard. There is no particular age that a woman is targeted which exponentially increases the horrendous crime. 

The basic question anyone can ask these bastards is – don’t you have a mother. There is no other way you could have been born and this act is an ultimate insult of her. There is a vast generation of men who are negatively impacted by pornography. They probably don’t have basic sex education or are deprived of sex itself that they launch what they see on the one they can land their hands on first. This is the only part where I don’t believe in karma. It was not her karma to be subject to such a heinous act. Everyone remembers the woman, nobody remembers the bastard. The best example is the Malayalam actor abduction case. Justice is delayed to a celebrity who has the connections so what will happen to a common man. At the mention of her name there will be more perverts who will say with lewd eyes – wasn’t she the one who was abducted and assaulted. There will be few who at the mention of the bastards name will say – wasn’t he the one who harmed the modesty of many women? Somehow he becomes the hero. There is a whole generation of men waiting to get their hands on the videotapes of the assault to satisfy their whatever..

There is a layer of rotten bastards living in today’s world. They should be dug out and killed to stop this menace. Everyone keeps shouting slogans about equality, more power to woman and all that bullshit, what every woman needs is her basic human right to exist as a human being without fear – even if she is a baby. The situation is so disgusting that the only place safe for a woman is in the womb as a foetus. Everything else is risky.

I am in support of the recent movement of educating our sons. Yes they are the ones who should be taught to respect a woman, every woman! 

Sex education is a serious thing and should be taught in schools so that children don’t have to find out what vagina means or what sex means hiding under blankets browsing books they sneaked or googling behind closed doors. It should be talked openly in homes so that they learn to think that sex is a natural phenomenon and not a taboo.

All this while it’s the women who have been fighting, when will the men come down to fight for and protect the women? Why don’t we have more men in the streets raising slogans about keeping her safe? It doesn’t mean women shouldn’t fight for their rights but if there is vast majority of men who believe that women should have their human rights why aren’t they trying to fight the minority of men who resort to such dastardly acts? Why are they opinionated in silos? Why can’t they conjure up forces to pressurize the governments to fastrack these cases, and ensure the bastards are gravely punished so that the next guy who wants to commit this crime thinks atleast for a second before doing it? 

Change still seems like a very distant dream. But I sincerely hope that there is hope. If we do our part today maybe there will be a better tomorrow.. 

With prayers…

“Apprehension” – a big word

On By Indu PatikkalIn growing up, opinion, Random thoughts, realizationsLeave a comment

I fear a lot of things. I don’t know if others are like this, because I cannot get into anyone else’s mind. I am not scared, but I fear. Scared I feel is a word of present or past tense. Fear is associated with the future. So what am I fearful of? Oh many things. Like, my kids will fall sick, I might have an accident, I may never become a successful writer, the curry I am cooking will go bad, my kids will be late to school (this is my every school day fear), I may become very poor one day, and so on and on and on.. Constantly feels like I am sitting on the tip of the iceberg and the ice will melt anytime, plunging me down into a deep canyon. Oh! and my biggest ever fear, one I have carried all my life, is associated with my father.

I have thought about, why do I fear all this? What is to happen, will happen. I know this, I mean yes, I know this for a fact. I accept it, but the apprehension of what ill may come constantly lingers on my mind. Although when the ill thing happens, I am the bravest person around. I can handle situations which are a real pain in the wrong places, extremely smoothly. There are many people who know me and will vouch this for a fact. But the anticipation or the wait just kills me. Does that sound like a paradox? No, I am not crazy. Am I waiting for something bad to happen or am I cautious about it? I think its mid way.

Maybe the word is apprehension. I remember taking a personality quiz in the 7th grade at Bishop Cottons, organized by Times of India. At the end of the long set of never-ending questions, a complete stranger looked at my answers and told me I was apprehensive about the future. Honestly, I had no idea what the word apprehension meant. It looked like a good word to play the find-simpler-words-from-a-long-word game.

Now I know. Did that stranger have a magic wand, or was I extremely truthful on that personality quiz. Whatever it was, it was damn good a quiz!

So yes, I am apprehensive – anxious or fearful that something bad or unpleasant will happen. Are a lot of people like this? Sitting on the iceberg? I guess not, rather, I hope not. Its not a very nice place to be, with the tip poking at your bottom all the time, making you feel like you are walking on a stack of needles or shard glass all the time. In this phrase lies the truth “walking on shards of glass”. You can never cut yourself whilst walking on shards of glass!! Yes, I’ve done it (as part of a team building camp out from work), nothing happened. I reached the other end of the ground, tears running down my cheeks, exploding with happiness, that I had overcome my fear!

So much for apprehensions?

I have probably reached the mid point of my life, or maybe a little past mid point. There are moments (sometimes minutes) where I delve into life, its meaning, where we come from, where we are heading. In these lapses of self-digging, I realize that at this point in life, I am going through a churning, a reflection of sorts on yesterday, today and tomorrow. There is a crossover that is happening from youth to the next stage, where we start looking at things from a higher altitude. Not 360 degrees yet, maybe 180? Through this looking glass, the apprehensions become clearer, through this knowing, building defense mechanisms becomes easier, through these defense mechanisms, life becomes simpler!

Cheers to this wonderful, blessed yet convoluted creation called life!

To be or not to be

On By Indu PatikkalIn Random thoughtsLeave a comment

To be or not to be- that is the question
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And, by opposing, end them.

This is the opening phrase of a soliloquy in the “Nunnery Scene” of Shakespeare’s play Hamlet. In the speech, the despondent Prince Hamlet contemplates death and suicide while waiting for Ophelia, the love of his life.

To be or not to be – was a question of death and suicide. As I see people in their late 60’s or early 70’s, I draw a parallel to this quote from Shakespeare who wrote his in 1600. Now the question is not suicide or death, but to live or die.

There are only two paths or perspectives people see life in, as they get to their 70’s – Live to Die or Die to Live. And this perspective defines the quality of life they lead, the relationships they have, their every waking moment.

I have seen people who are predicting or constantly tapping at an astrologer’s door trying to find out when they would die. From their standpoint its preparation for the end. Maybe at their age, then need to know. I don’t know if I will want to know. Anyways, so they are told a date or month and year of the end. Then what? The group of people who ‘live to die’ magnify each miniscule physical ailment as a door to death. They don’t particularly do anything significant during the day. They are just killing time, waiting almost impatiently. They wake up each morning, eat three meals a day, take their medicines, sleep, talk to a few people over the course of the day and go to bed at night. They are happy watching the sloppy serials on television and carrying the thoughts and feelings of those serial artists to bed. They choke their life to death.

The other category of people ‘Die to live’. They know, like the first category, that they have spent a major portion of their life. But they are fearless about the end. They accept the fact that there is an end, however, they are not looking forward to that. They are also eager to know when the end will come, but they live each day. They too wake up, eat their meals, take their medicines on time. The difference is, this group of people, travel, in whatever financial and physical means they can, meet people, read, enjoy their grandchildren, be a part of their life and growing up. They are excited about new things. They want to learn, explore the possibilities in each day.

It all about perspective; and which perspective one takes depends largely on the journey a person has had till that stage in life and the situations that he or she is in. However, the core of it should lie in a person’s inner belief.  

All this rolls back to how one is created. The growth from a cell to human form. The pain of delivering a baby. Learning everything, yes, “everything”. Going through human emotions, building and nurturing relationships. Making babies. Shaping them into individuals. Hell! There is a lot one goes through from that tiny cell. Life is precious. We don’t become what we become on our own. Its a whole big network of people who shape our lives, play a part in building us cell by cell. Its a magnanimous process, as vast and widespread as the internet itself. So then why waste the precious moments we are blessed with. When we think of it this way, it gives a broader and deeper meaning to life, itself! 

Nuts and bolts

On By Indu PatikkalIn Random thoughtsLeave a comment

I found this box in my mother’s bag. My mother passed a year ago and while goinggoing through her bag found this box which was once packaged with nuts served on domestic indigo flights. On one of my travels many years ago, probably from trivandrum to bangalore, I had bought this box of nuts for my parents. 

It’s contents span a lifetime and attributed to people she holds dear to her heart. 

There is a passport size phot of my brother in Bishop Cottons uniform. The struggle she went through to get him an admission at bishop cottons is something best forgotten. She paid a donation of 5000 rupees way back in 1989, at her own intuition and will so that my brother would get the best education possible.

The passport photo of me was taken for my engineering college admission, in 1995. Getting me into MIT, Manipal was a big step for her. Payment seat with a fees of 40,000 rupees per year. I can only imagine the jitters she must have had thinking of this colossal amount she had to make every year along with my brothers bishop cottons fees. I got the last computer science payment seat that year. Was she worried about sending me away from her nest, I don’t know, I was engrossed in getting that last seat. 

The picture of her and a boy, is before her marriage. She had come to bangalore to help her sister take care of her son, my cousin, Manoj. He remained her first child always. This was probably 1972..

The next picture is of her, Manoj and his younger brother Babu.. she learnt her first lessons of motherhood from them. They were very dear to her. 

The dice is something I got for her when she came to visit my family in the US, and we went to Las Vegas. Oh! How much fun she had at the slot machines.  By then my elder son was born and this memento says “Grandma’s casino, Las Vegas”.

The kushtex fabrics book is her phone and address book, her link to the world. This was a complimentary gift from a company whose fabrics my uncle and aunt sold in wholesale at Bangalore.

Then her bank card, hospital cards and some papers.  She has carried these with her for innumerable years, adding to the collection over the years. These little things mattered to her. Today she carries them in her heart, overseeing each one of us, visiting us, assuring us that she is here, somewhere around us.
Lots of love, to the woman, because of whom, I am, who I am..

Random thoughts

On By Indu PatikkalIn Random thoughtsLeave a comment

In the end, what school you went to, what degrees you earned, what jobs you had makes no difference. Were you surrounded by people who love you, were you able to return that love, during this whole process were you happy is all that matters. If not, then all you are left with are meaningless numbers and letters printed on paper which can be easily torn.
The people you choose to surround you is the key. If you choose the right people, you have a chance at happiness. If the people you chose are not right but you hold the courage and wisdom to walk away, you still have a chance at happiness. But if you choose the wrong people and cannot walk away, you are screwed.
Life is precious, we don’t realize it till we near the end or see a loved one near the end. You have to see death at 15cm normal vision distance to appreciate life. It’s funny.. This whole thing called life and all the unnecessary complications we build around it..

When

On By Indu PatikkalIn UnpublishedLeave a comment
When the sunsets on the beach
are not as radiant as they are today
When the nights are cold
and dont carry the warmth of a hug
When the days are long
and the business of life engulfs life
Will you still love me?
When the conversations are empty
or the same words repeat themselves
When we look into each others eyes
and see a sheath of blankness
When there is more nagging
and less words of endearments
Will you still love me?
When the seas come in between
and we are no where in sight
When we have to move on
and take up life’s chores
When we are forced to wake up
and abandon our dreams
Will you still love me?