The first drop of blood

The first drop of blood drips on the floor. I see the slit clearly now. Slowly its going to fade, I know. I made the slit a few seconds ago. The blood came gushing in faster than I thought. They are dripping one by one onto the white tub. A perfect visual of white and red. Like polka dots on a white sheath. My life rolls by in front of my eyes. The mind is so calm. There is no panic today, no fear. I am ending this. It is not because of lack of anything. But simply, the urge to live. That is what I have lost completely.
I start at the beginning, and race by till the end. Which exact moment was it when I lost the urge to live. I am not sure. Maybe it was building up and finally vented out like a dormant volcano. The lava now spurting out onto my bathtub. Should I open the tap, I don’t know. I have seen it in the movies, but I don’t know. So I will just leave it at that. My eyes are closing now. Did I hear a knock? No, it cannot happen. Nobody can walk in now and spoil my perfectly laid out plan. Everyone is away somewhere or the other in this part of the world. Doing what they do everyday. But I don’t want to do it anymore. I have had my share of life. And since nobody is going to take me away, I decided to take myself away. In the fading moments of life I write ‘too dumb to live’.

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