Category: Children

The light of candles

On By Indu PatikkalIn birthday, celebrate, Childhood memories, Children, growing up, Happiness, life, Random thoughts, schoolLeave a comment

My earliest memory of a birthday goes back to maybe age 10, I am not quite sure. Even today I am as excited as I was as a kid. I honestly don’t know why. 

The “traditions” we followed, too heavy a word, I know, started few weeks before “the” day. My parents took my brother and I to Chellaram’s to buy a birthday dress. Chellaram’s was okay. It was the same kind of frocks, not a glamorous place. Nevertheless, the new dress was excitement enough. 

Then magic happened. 

I distinctly remember the opening of KidsKemp. When we passed by KidsKemp, there was always a Santa with white beard and red attire waving at the passersby. It was so colorful. For one of my birthdays, after much pestering (my poor parents), took us to KidsKemp. It was like the mall of today. Beautiful frocks. My jaws dropped at the sight of the colors or let’s call it glamour and glitter of the place. It is my most luxurious shopping experience memory from childhood. 

KidsKemp was a one time affair. The prices were so inflated that we had to go back to Chellaram’s the following year. 

I still manage to get or save a new dress for my birthday, every year 😊.

Each year on Jan 1st I would circle the date on the Deccan Herald and/or Malayala Manorama and/or Prajavani calendar. Big red mark, so that nobody forgot, just in case. Well, I don’t mark any calendars today, Google does that. But I kind of start reminding my family to remember to wish me. I told you at the beginning, that I was kind of.. well.. obsessed. 

Then we bought chocolates the day before to distribute at school. Oh what a privilege that was. The first period, class teacher walks in, spots you in a pretty dress, not the bottle green uniform, tells the class, “so, we have a birthday girl today.. come on class, let’s all sing for her.” As a child that was an i-am-on-top-of-the-world moment.

That morning, my mother woke me up with a very happy smile on her face saying “happy birthday Indu”.. those words echo in my mind. She did this consistently for every year I was with her on October 1st. The smile, the affection, or the love, never faded once. I long for that love today. 

Then came evening. My neighbor’s kids and us bought some crepe paper and balloons, decorated the living room and waited for my father to come. He brought the cake and candles, every year. The number of candles matched my age. The light of those candles reflected the brightness on my face or maybe it was the other way around, I don’t know. I see the same brightness in my son’s face when the candles are lit and I love seeing that delight on his face. 

I get them even now, a cake, candles and the light of the candles.

I don’t get a wish from my mother. The first ten minutes after I wake up are empty and quiet. But in some form I get her blessing and wish. I may be construing this completely in my mind, but the coincidences are too much to ignore. So I did receive special blessings today. 

As I went to college, the family traditions of cake, decorations faded. It was a treat for friends at Nilgiris Bakery, Basavanagudi for starters, ending up with MotiMahal at Mangalore during engineering days. At work too, it was a treat for friends, I still got a new dress and cake. Gifts for birthday were never a major thing. Sometimes I got, sometimes I didn’t. What I valued were the people I got to celebrate my birthday with. All of them special people, very dear to the heart.

After marriage, my husband pampered me with gifts. May not be every year, but the year’s he buys me something, they are out of this world. The best, always. These are gifts I never imagined I would get in my lifetime. 

Today was special. Friends spent an entire day preparing for the evening party. It was a double celebration, my son and I got a “happy birthday mommy and me” cake 😊.. pampered again with gifts, happiness and laughter. 

The best part was the cards my kids gave me, thanking me for the wonderful mother I am and wishing me happiness with other personal notes. The thoughts that were put in those cards, made my many many everydays’ perfect. My older one just wrote on an index card while my younger one picked out a pink flowers card, with lot of mushy words.

Grateful! This is the only feeling at the end of the day.. for family.. for friends.. for all the love.. affection.. care.. it’s a lot to be blessed with. From the childhood days of buying clothes at Chellaram’s to the extreme luxury of driving a BMW at Bentonville, life has changed seasons many times; one thing that remains unchanged are the loving people I am surrounded by year after year.. truly blessed !!

Twelve years..

On By Indu PatikkalIn birthday, celebrate, Children, growing up, Happiness, life, parenting, Random thoughtsLeave a comment

I was ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant. It was something I was looking forward to. I was 26. I know it’s a lot young, but back then I wanted to get married and have kids, family, house, a secure life. Other interests of exploring my life are knocking on my door now. 

So, I got pregnant and absolutely fell in love with my growing belly and the person inside. My husband pampered me and I pampered myself! When I was seven months pregnant, my husband and I got an onsite opportunity. Honestly, I have no idea what I was thinking back then when I said yes. I didn’t realize it much when I took that Singapore Airlines flight from Trivandrum to Los Angeles. It’s only after I landed that it hit me, I definitely didn’t imagine that America would be that far and it would take that long to get there. Oh my! 

I walk into West Hills Hospital on September 26th at 5am and voila my little one pops out on September 27th. The labor classes, baby care classes that I took was my Bible in taking care of the little one. 

His goo goos and gaa gaas filled my days. He nestled on the shoulder in the night to a lullaby that I have sang umpteen times. We sang rhymes, danced and before I knew it, we were celebrating his first birthday. His first birthday cake was from coldstone with a Winnie the pooh theme. It had Tigers, Winnie and Piglet. We invited everyone we knew and made it a grand event. He was sort of the first kid in our circle. 

Then it was time to go to daycare, something I had been putting off by bringing my mother from India to help me. A few years into daycare and we got him his best present ever, his brother, Kevin. 

Kevin is his baby. He pampers him to no end and I love the bond they have between them. At times I feel Kevin matters more than me. And I love that thought. They have their share of fights, tantrums, touchy issues, nevertheless, they are glued to each other. 

He started school at Indianapolis. As he was getting used to it, we pulled him out and took him to India. He did his best at Chempaka, but most importantly he learnt how to make friends. He had so many of them and probably that has been the best part of his life so far. Those three years spent at Trivandrum, strengthened the foundation of the people person he is, so much so that I was known as Nitin’s mother as opposed to my name. 

School starts, the daily rigor, Christmas break, exams and more exams, and before you know it, it’s over. One year of school is done. Yeah! But when it’s his birthday I realize that he has grown by one year. 

At age 10 we moved back to Bentonville. And before I knew it he was in junior high and it’s his 12th birthday. The little one who kicked inside my belly stands tall next to me, fighting his little age related issues. 

Twelve years, summed up here in a few paragraphs, but in reality it’s been a lifetime of memories, with more to come. I long for the years gone by where he was little with no worries about assignments, how his friend treat him, exercising, soccer goals etc. Where I just had to feed him, change his diapers and he would jump around happily, unaware of the world around him. 

I thought I was done with school when I got my bachelor’s degree. Now, I know that was cakewalk. This is more difficult, learning how to be a parent. And these twelve years I have been in college, again. There are many more years till I graduate from here, and I am full of doubts, but it’s been amazing. 

Thank you sweetheart for coming into our life and making it beautiful.. happy birthday !

Time.. Encouragement.. Love..

On By Indu PatikkalIn Children, Random thoughtsLeave a comment

Many blogs, pictures, videos have made their rounds trying to tell me what I should give my children to make them good individuals when they grow up. There were quite a few things said in different ways that it sometimes left me confused. Being a first time parent with no prior experience like almost everyone, these writeups did intrigue me, lest I may be enlightened.
An incident today, gave me the answers.
My younger son aged 8 is reluctant to try most things, his favourite rejection being vegetables. A little bit of coaxing does get him to try helping us break his resounding No. So this time, it was to try riding his older brothers cycle and be sure that he hasn’t lost balance before we buy him his own. His argument was that the handle was too wide, the seat was too high etc., etc. This evening I told him that I would walk behind him if he would try. He reluctantly agreed. When he heard me telling his brother that this was mommy-kevin time, he was on cloud nine. So we set off. The first round on my street was not bad. He spotted a 2 cm high uphill which was too difficult to climb, he didn’t know how to make right turns, he walked near a bridge and so on. I just stuck with him and got him home. I managed to coax him into a second round, this time a straight road, halfway to his school. It was much easier this time. He took a right turn without thinking, went uphill at the driveway, rode past a bridge, leaving me way behind.
He was ecstatic. He said, I don’t need a new bicycle, I like this one, you can buy Nitin a new one! 
As I was walking back home, the beautiful sunset smiling at me, I realised that I helped him overcome his premonitions by spending time with him, providing some encouragement and love. So that’s it. Time. Encouragement. Love. He is a more confident person.
I can put this formula to any situation and I think it will work. I am sure somebody has said this before and I have read in one of those how-to-raise-children blogs.. but this instance made it loud and clear…
My children have taught me the best lessons on parenting and constantly remind me that its the little things in life which matter the most!!

W kisses..

On By Indu PatikkalIn Children3 Comments
People who know my younger son, will instantly know what ‘W’ prefix means. When my little guy asks for something, we ask him, how many you want, coz he is never satisfied, he keeps saying ‘cann-i have some more?’ So when we ask him ‘how many’ his instant reply is ‘w’ and he looks at his hand, brings the thumb and little finger together and opens up the other three fingers, meaning he wants three. If it is something that he ‘lubs’ (loves) then he recounts the same three fingers to usually ten or twenty, the biggest numbers he knows and says, ‘I mean, I want ten’.

This little brat wakes up at the crack of sunlight seeping into my room and starts shaking me up, even on a weekend and says ‘amma wake up, its mornin time, see the sun is out’.. this happens even when there is no daylight sometimes. I tell him, ‘no kevi, its night, go back to sleep’ and this is at 9am sometimes on weekends :)..

He has to brush by himself, even on days when I miss the alarm. ‘I wannto do it all myself’.. and he takes ages to squeeze the teeny weeny amount of toothpaste from his train picture flouride-free toothpaste tube to his little Diego toothbrush. He brushes the same set of eight front teeth, over and over again for the next three minutes and spits out at regular intervals. After he’s sure that he’s wasted enough of my time, he says ‘ok, now its your turn’.

The first thing after brushing is his boon of life – paaa.. (Milk). And for this too, he has to pick his own straw, the straw I pick from the same pack of straws finds its place in the trash can. 

Then he’s ready to watch some cartoon till I get ready to work. Mickey mouse, umizoomi, dora, diego, max and ruby, everything possible on Nick Jr and Playhouse Disney. He has his share of cornflakes from my bowl, picks up his show and tell toy and he’s ready to go to Grandma George – his daycare.

On the way, he wants either Chak de from Salaam Namaste or Zoobi Doobi from 3 idiots to play on the car stereo. These are the hot favourites now. If the sun falls in his eyes he says ‘amma, tooo sunny’.

Getting down from the car at Grandma George’s place, ends up in my arms and I ask him for W kisses, followed by more, more and more, till Grandma George opens the door. He waves bye and goes inside.

I wonder what he does in there. Eats, plays, sleeps, again plays and wait and waits till his mommy is back to pick him up. I feel so grateful to him, for spending his days at a childcare, longer than the hours I spend at work, silently understanding the fact that I need to work and he needs to be at someone else’s place with other kids, while I am gone. 

The gleam in his eyes in the evening when I pick him up lights up the whole room. He comes running, hugs my legs and says ‘amma’, meaning to say, ‘i am so glad that you came back to pick me’. Does he have a fear that I may not come back? 

Once home, he is all set to fight with his brother, making up for all the hours of the day followed by ‘I dont wanto tak-a baath..’ ‘Can I eat maamu (food)..’ ‘Can I watch a CD..’ ‘Can I have some appe joos..’ or complaints like ‘amma, i didnot find the remot, and you were making maamu, u did not come, and that is baad..’ 

After a lot of irritating everyone in the house, around 9pm, this guy lands up in the bed. He turns and rolls for sometime and asks ‘amma can i hav some wather (water)..’ and makes me go downstairs and get him water.. everyday.. After another 20 to 30 minutes of turning around, jumping, playing, talking, he finally rolls over wrapped in a 5feet by 5feet comforter and sleeps. Before he closes his eyes, he says ‘i lub u amma’ gives me w kisses and says ‘i dont want to sleep..’

A thousand expressions on his face, this huggable, lovable, little brat of mine .. 
              

The candy machine…

On By Indu PatikkalIn ChildrenLeave a comment
“Amma, I don’t need an afterschool care snack today”, said my five year old boy.
Concerned, I ask “Why, won’t you be hungry”.
“Yeah Amma, can I get something from the candy machine?” came the candid reply. His face pleading to me.
“Tomorrow, is your Christmas party, I will get you something from the candy machine, when I come tomorrow”.
“Ok, Amma. I want the green packet of Skittles, which has the sprinkles on it”. was his instant reply.

My son, goes to after school care in his school premises, after 3.10pm, when his school is dismissed. I should thank him with all my heart, for being so understanding and willing to stay in school for another three hours, while I attend to conference calls and emails. Anyways, all the kids who make this sacrifice for their parents, are assembled in a huge room called the Colonial Room, under the supervision of a teacher. This room has cupboards for games, benches for the kids to sit and the famous “Candy Machine”.

From the eyes of my five year old, its a machine, where you put money and press some numbers and the candy is out, ready to be picked up and savored. Yes, a vending machine with chocolates. The first time I saw a vending machine was when I arrived in the US of A, six years ago.

Each day these kids, [I am guessing here], go to the candy machine and point out to their favourite and because they are still learning to read, probably guess the name of the candy and imaginatively savor the taste.

One day, one of my son’s friends [a girl] brought some bills from home, and left no stone unturned in showing off her tryst with the candy machine. The boys stood around her and were awed by her slick expertise in handling the seven feet machine. She opened her bag of candy and distributed gladly, to the girls only. Thus started a revolt by the boys against her. She was banned!
That evening I heard repeatedly “Amma, we don’t like her, she is so mean, she didn’t give us candy, she is so rude, we boys don’t like the girls….” and so on.
He also said, “Amma, my friend Wilson was so sad, that he didn’t get a candy. Can you give me some money so that I can buy candy and give it to him?” I was touched by his thoughtfulness.

He narrated the same story to my husband. My husband asked him “If I give you money, and you buy the candy, would you share with the girl?”. “No!!” came the instant reply. “She did not share it with the boys, so I will not share with the girls.” Fair enough. My husband told him, “Do you think if you share the candy with her, the next time she will share with you?” My son, thought for a while and said “I think you are right Appa”.

The next day, when I went to pick up my son in the evening, we slipped a dollar bill into the magic machine. It went in, we pushed a couple of numbers and out came the candy packet. My son opened it and shared it with everyone, boys and girls and the she-did-not-share girl. Wilson got a huge share. The did-not-share-girl got the point, my son looked at me and winked.

What is he thinking ?

On By Indu PatikkalIn Children1 Comment
I have always wondered ‘what is going through my son’s head right now?’ ‘What is he thinking?’ Do his thoughts revolve around the cartoon characters he watches day and night? Is he thinking ‘will Diego be able to save Dora?’ or maybe ‘wish I could go to the snowfort and rescue the prince with the Backyardigans’. What are his thoughts? Then comes his wishes, what is he wishing for? Candy, bubble bath, outing in the park, meet Mickey? Sometimes he expresses his wishes – Amma, can I have a hot dog? Amma, can you and Appa come to pick me up at school? Amma, can you get me the Backyardigans CD from the Library? There are so many wishes that he expresses vocally, but I wonder how many go unexpressed. The other day, I was putting my elder son to sleep, I was in a hurry to dash to the fitness center, so I told him ‘come on, close your eyes and go to sleep, quickly’, he asked me ‘why do you want to go and run?’ His questions amaze me, his absolute favourite being ‘WHY?’ Every sentence of mine, is followed by his WHY? Sometimes I do get perplexed with the answers I have to give or make up for every ‘why?’

Another day, I took both my sons to buy a pair of shoes for my elder son. Both of them got into a for-no-reason push-pull episode, and I left the store with them, as I wanted them to understand, that their behavior was totally unacceptable. On my way to the car, I told my younger one – ‘we are going back home, because you were a messy boy and did messy things’. Prompt came his question ‘messssy booooy – meeeee?’ and placed his little hand over his chest. It took me some strength to keep a straight face.

Instances like these makes me curious about their thoughts. One moment they are at war, and the next instant when I go to inquire, they are hugging each other saying ‘I love you’. And I am left to wonder, did I hear the sirens of a battle? They are gazing at the TV set and cartoons for hours. A few times and they know all the dialogues. I am continually amazed at their ability to grasp things around them. My younger one, now knows, that if someone gets hurt, they go to the doctor, doctor gives medicine and asks to be careful. He asks with curious eyes, ‘Amma, did doctor say careful?’ Be it their extreme expressions of love in good night words and ‘I lub you too’ or their sleepy weary ‘gud morning’s they never fail to leave me without a boost of energy, the urge to go on and be there for them.