Category: opinion

Letting go…

On By Indu PatikkalIn life, opinion, Random thoughtsLeave a comment

The toughest emotion in my perspective, is, to let go. 

As a child we cling on to that toy, that stuffed doll or the macho figure that we carry everywhere. We hold on to it for years, not because we need it,but because we cannot give it away or throw it away. We refrain from sharing and hold it close to our heart and body. As we grow up, we emotionally grow to reach a state where we give up the toy. 

When we leave the familiar environment of school, it is difficult to say bye to our friends and teachers. Tomorrow I would not wake up and wear my uniform and go to school. My uniform would just hang there reminding me of the wonderful years I spent at school. 

The same episode repeats at college. Just that this time it’s a lot harder, because by now relationships are a little deeper than school. If you live in a hostel then it’s a family you leave. All this while you have lived away from your parents, but you know you will get back there. 

The hardest, or so we think while we are there, is letting go of the person you love. This is where you learn that the harder you hang on to him or her, the more the person will distance themselves from you. All those mushy break up Hallmark cards.. Oh God!

When we get married (Indian women) we move into our husband’s house (atleast most of us). We don’t let go of our parents, but we let go of the carefree girls we were till that moment. We turn into wife, daughter in law, sister in law and what not, overnight !

Then life happens! We move to different cities, leave our comfort zones many times. Each time we resolve that, enough, this is the last time. The very next thing you know, we are packing again. The friends, community, relationships. The whole physical toll of moving is best not spoken about. Again and again, we go through this rigorous emotional tumult. But there is nothing that we can do, just let go. 

Of course, the toughest is when a person passes. I have written enough about it, so I am not delving into that again. 

Just as we get complacent, a new hurdle appears from nowhere. It takes all your emotional strength to jump the hurdle. But you have no choice, you just have to jump ! The toughest of these hurdles is letting go of something dear to your heart, like that old stuffed toy.. 

Interpreting dreams..

On By Indu PatikkalIn death, Dreams, life, opinion, Random thoughts, realizationsLeave a comment

This writing is not for the faint hearted, please choose your discretion to read on.. 

I fell into the deepest sleep last night. Yet, I was awake in my dream. In my dream, I met a friend’s brother, C. I hadn’t seen him in ages. As we were exchanging pleasantries, C’s sister in law V walked in. I knew these people from my childhood days and was very fond of them. V was telling me about her martial woes and that she was separated from her husband P. C supported V and they had a farm many miles away from Bangalore,  where they did some farming, raised cattle and lived peacefully. 

After some chit chat, V said she would leave as she had to get back to their farm. As I was walking with her, I saw her drag her feet, just like my mother used to, due to her Parkinson’s. It was not V, it was my mother. I didn’t say a word, but jumped for joy as my mother had appeared before me. V wanted my number and in my excitement I forgot my phone number. She wrote down the numbers I babbled, and the handwriting was my mother’s. 

As we walked out, C was waiting for V. I hugged V and told her, “I know it’s you Ma”. V was shocked. 

I woke up.

I was shocked when I  realized that C had passed away in an accident many many years ago. 

After my mother’s passing and some reading on souls and life beyond, I firmly believe that once we pass on, we continue to hang around in invisible form. We get to meet everyone who has passed and not entered another physical form. 

So how do I interpret this dream. My mother is with C, in a happy place, being taken care of by a kind soul. C was a very kind hearted man. She came disguised so that I wouldn’t be scared. I had been longing to see her and hug her. So she came to give me a hug. 

I woke up, to hear my husband breathing beside me. I too was startled, nevertheless. But the sound of my husband’s breath was the best thing I heard this morning. It was like a reassurance that I was ok and safe.

I know it’s strange and no, I am not crazy!! Many people may not understand this, because it’s so personal. I realize I am still grieving for her, but I don’t think I will ever stop. 

All this only makes my belief stronger to hang on to life and every happiness it brings. Life is the best gift that we can get..

Prince Charming

On By Indu PatikkalIn marriage, opinion, Random thoughts, realizations, WomanLeave a comment

One of my friends today was pouring out her woes on how she is engulfed with guilt that she cannot get her arms around everything at home and work. Nothing is completed perfectly, leaving everything half baked piling up on the guilt factor.

I told her, to stop killing herself. There is only this much each person can do. And we have another person living under the same roof who is equally responsible for everything we do. The overtime we do is making up for the things that the other half so conveniently ignores.

Every girl has an image of her prince charming. She grows up with it. Its like its in her genes to form the image. Okay, atleast most girls. There are some who don’t. The unlucky few. They get married and then start forming the image of Mr. Prince. Duh! Sorry girl, too late.

I believe most girls look for the below basic qualities in her spouse –

Mr. Prince should be her best friend. This is the shortest sentence I can possible write about the person she would desire to spend her life with. A person she can talk to, to any length, about anything under the sun, with no pretense or hiding.

Mr. Prince should consider her a friend. She should be his best friend. He should be able to share everything with her. That’s when the relationship is balanced.

Mr. Prince should respect her opinion whether he likes it or not. He can disagree, she is fine with that, but he should not shove her opinion into the trash bag.

Mr. Prince should know her interests. What she likes, what she doesn’t like and stay by her at every occasion where she likes something or dislikes.. He should encourage her likes and not blame her for her dislikes.

Mr. Prince should be interested in the children they ‘produce’ (for lack of a better word) and their lives. The children should be a joint first priority and they should grow up in a happy environment.

Mr. Prince should not judge her. As Sreedevi’s character in English Vinglish says, family should not be judgemental. ‘We are in this together, come what may’. When one person starts judging the other, you are separated.

Mr. Prince should pamper her. Okay, that’s a big ask. Atleast occasionally, with flowers, with a movie, dinner, small talk or whatever her interests are.

To guys who are reading this, if you have got your cards right, your lady will treat you like a king. If you get your basics wrong, boy you are in for hell.

What if you marry the wrong Prince? You literally cannot go back and say, uh oh! sorry, you got the wrong one. I know the stylish, famous and ‘in-thing’ now is a divorce, but no! You just talk… 🙂 That is where you need to put in overtime, not to do his chores, but to make it work..

Baar Baar Dekho

On By Indu PatikkalIn cinema, life, marriage, opinion, Random thoughtsLeave a comment

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Spoiler alert –

My kids and I watched Baar Baar Dekho today. After many hours we were discussing as to why the movie was titled ‘Baar Baar Dekho’ (see it many times). My older one said ‘Its because he gets to look at his life many times’. He was right, I thought.

The character Jai Varma gets many chances at life and is able to trace back to the exact point where the problems started. He can then relive his life and take the road less traveled. Lucky for him.

That was a movie and we all know that in real life we don’t get even a second chance. What is done is done, the past never comes knocking on your door, holding out a chance to relive your life.

The future, well, that’s why its called the future. Its distant and unknown.

As I put my kids to sleep today, we read a story from the Bible about how Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves of bread. We then sang songs from the movie in chorus. I remembered to tell my older one about how my younger one was missing him, while he was out this evening. We pulled the little one’s leg, which he didn’t like and hurled some punches my way. We spoke about how you either swallow or breathe and the esophagus. This topic got my little one dozing. I strode to my older one’s bed and stroked his hair till he fell asleep.

Wow.. so much in the present.. in the now. All this must have lasted about ten minutes, but those ten minutes are precious for my little ones and me. They go to sleep with togetherness on their mind. And I, hold on to these moments, to now; because, I definitely don’t want to feel in some distant future, that I didn’t have fun with my kids in the past.

So much so, for Baar Baar Dekho.

 

Anjali Menon

On By Indu PatikkalIn Anjali Menon, bangalore days, cinema, director, manjadikuru, opinion, writerLeave a comment

Anjali Menon – “the” person on my mind for a few days now. More than the person, it is what she believes in and the woman she is.

Anjali Menon is a film director, she rose to fame in the malayalam movie industry with her flawless “Manjadikuru”, delicious “Usthad Hotel”, whacky “Kerala Cafe – Happy Journey” and more recently her beautiful “Bangalore Days”.. I have been enthralled by her movies, no doubt, but it is not until recently that I looked up youtube for videos of interviews with her and I was exposed to the kind of person she is. And Anjali as a person fascinates me more than her movies. What an amazing lady!! Its not that she talks about rocket science or the next space mission or what the various heads of governments are planning to do.. It is plain life. The life of you and me. She talks from her heart, and they are things I can identify with so well. She talks about malayalam serials on her blog and my, the negativity that flows through houses because of those serials is dampening relationships. She does not have the luxury to take a month off to write a script, like you and me. Her kid is running around and when she gets breaks she writes. What she has grown up with, is freedom. The kind of freedom I grew up with. And she has put best use of the freedom she got, no doubt.

If you have watched movies created by the legendary Padmarajan, then you would know that each time you watch the movie you will discover something new that you missed the previous time. Anjali is the only director who has been able to recreate the effect.

“Manjadikuru” is one such example. Its my third time watching the movie and it feels like I have not seen it before. The cast of the movie is the who’s who of the malayalam film industry – Thilakan, Kaviyoor Ponnamma, Murali, Urvashi, Jagathy, Rehman, etc.. and each role has its space never enroaching on another and yet such natural appearances. It’s a story that many of us have experienced as children. Writing about human relationships and its nuances through the eyes of a child without negatively influencing the thoughts of the child and at the same time taking away the positives from each situation.. REMARKABLE!!

After watching Bangalore Days, I feel Anjali has exemplary ability to space her characters out and carve out a niche for each of them.

Anjali Menon – is a gifted director. A master story teller. A woman like you and me who shuffles through the everyday of life and in between finds time to create magic.

Thankyou.. for.. memorable cinema !!