The pieces
Lay scattered
When they don’t fit
I realize
Their sharp corners
And
The hollowness within
Why are the pieces scattered
Shouldn’t they be complete
There is that one piece
That fell off the table
Long ago
The hollowness within
A resounding echo
Of the emptiness..
Hello
He said
I am here
Where here, she didn’t see no one
Treading the same land
Seeing the sun as you do
She skipped jumped
Hopped
Her dream of each night
Was coming true
Could this be true
Would it finally happen
Maybe
She mused
When can I see you
The ray had got to her
Through the cloudy skies
She had waited
Days
Months now
To be held
In love
In life..
Your eyes filled with a million dreams
Tears that roll down your little cheeks
A scary dream about me shatters you
Lying down on my lap
Is your happy moment
When you are happy you have to share it
With me
When you are disturbed
Telling me reassure you
This trust you have in me
That I am there for you
How did you learn this my little one
Was it when I held you
As you took your first steps
Or when I fed you as your little tummy growled
Was it when I held you
Each time you fell ill
Or did it form deep within
Even before I held you
This trust is the strongest of the strong
That I strive everyday
My little one
To hold onto
With my every being.
If you have heard of Marie Kondo, you know what ‘spark joy’ means. She asks people to look at every object and ask the question ‘does it spark joy’ before deciding to trash it or keep it. I had never heard of Marie Kondo or her Konmari methodology. I am faaaaar from the most organized person you will find. My place is not a mess, you don’t have to tiptoe your way into the house, decently organized, but not Marie-Kondo-Organized. My sister-in-law is big about keeping things organized. It shows in her house as well, everything neat and put away and perfect. It is a joy visiting her house, I am just not made out of that cut. Anyways, she asked me to pick up Marie Kondo’s book from the library and that is the first time I ever heard about this organizing diva. No, I am not a follower, I don’t think I ever will be.
My designer friend on the other hand had another opinion. All said and done, out of curiosity, I decided to watch the Marie Kondo series on Netflix. I watched one episode (well, three fourth) on Netflix and learnt her mantra of ‘spark joy’. I liked her concept and subconsciously if an object does not spark joy in us, some of us throw it away, donate it or keep it in the corner of the garage. The ‘organizers’ promptly get rid of it. When I pick a dress to wear, if I think I will look good in it, then it sparks joy in me and I wear it, if not, it stay on the hanger for months!
Thinking deeper, doesn’t this concept apply to people. Except that the question is a little different. Do you spark joy in others? When you meet someone, it could be your children you see everyday, or your colleague at work, are they happy to see you? Isn’t that what matters? If my presence does not make the other person happy or as Marie Kondo says ‘spark joy’ then that relationship is stale. Whether you throw it away, keep it there depends on your circumstance and a lot of other things. But this concept is so easy to apply to identify positive and negative energies in your life. I read somewhere that it is important to identify the positive and negative energies in your life, it helps build self-confidence.
I would not focus on thinking about does the other person spark joy in you, because relationships always begin with you. If you are good, its good enough. When I go to work, almost all my colleagues greet me with a smile. I know the genuine ones and fake ones. To the fake ones, I know I am not sparking joy. But the genuine ones harness a positive realm around you, making you want to go to work. My kiddos, when I walk into the house after any kind of day, they come and hug me. Thats a definite sign of me sparking joy in them, like they do in me. Applicable to all mommy-baby relationships, it’s all positive there. It’s all in the moment, why wouldn’t you want to make it joyous?
Recently I was on the same median turning left into Barton Springs Rd. A homeless man stood on the median. He knocked on my window. I looked at him with conflicting thoughts of, I don’t have money to give you, I wish I could buy you food, how can I help him etc. When I looked at him, he used his hand to gesture to me and mouthed the word ‘smile’. I instantly smiled. He said, ‘thank you, that’s all I need’. I didn’t know what to make of it. I was stressed that morning, so a stranger on the street asking me to smile, was a reminder to smile and stay positive. I felt worse that I could not help him. But, who sparked joy in whom?…
Next time you meet anyone, just give it a thought, are you sparking joy in that person? If you are, good. If you are not, do you want to? If you want to, how will you do it? The sum total of these sparks is this amazing journey we are on.
To positive vibes! To sparking joys! To Marie Kondo!
I have written about various people in my life but I don’t think I have ever written about my sibling, my brother younger to me by five years but looks and thinks otherwise. The story of his birth is one of my favorites. When I joined Nursery at Bishop Cotton’s I am supposed to have come home and complained to my parents that every one has a brother or sister except me. And so the stork carried this light skinned baby boy to our house who was the apple of everyone’s eye.
Fast forward few years and like almost every first born I felt my parents were partial to him. The feeling of why I don’t have a brother changed to why do I have a brother, pretty quickly. So amidst favoritism we grew up fighting for the remote, grabbing things, hitting each other, annoying each other, the usual sibling stories. Like most families it was I who took the blame. He was the younger one and I being the older one was supposed to adjust. Our mother had no two rules about who got the beating irrespective of who started the quarrel. She gave it to us equally, like she was watching a tennis match, one here, one there, repeat, with a red plastic spatula.
He didn’t want to compete with anyone in his class at academics, all he wanted was to beat my grades, which he did most times. He developed a passion for basketball just to grow taller than the rest of us at home, we are a short family otherwise.
Although we fought quite a bit my feelings for him took a complete u-turn when my son was born (my older son looks like him by the way). He felt more like a son than my brother. It’s a strange feeling and I mix up their names even. One of my personal achievements that I feel fortunate about is that I was able to support him at various stages to better opportunities. And to me that checks off a major portion of my responsibility of the relationship. At the end of the day your sibling is your pillar of support whose foundation runs deep. There could be a few cracks but those heal magically, your parents already put in pixie dust in the cement.
He is going to rofl reading this, shower me with choicest words, making mincemeat of my emotions, like he always does, I know this. My father too is probably going to read this say brother-sister too much love, wonder when you’ll start fighting.. But the bottom line is that I love him and it’s an amazing blessing from the angels above that we now live a mile apart. The last time we lived under one roof was twenty years ago. Blessed, blessed, blessed!!
I wanted to travel around the world, always. My commitments to my parents, siblings, family and children held me back from taking off to unknown lands and new people. Today I turn 48 and I am making my first solo trip to distant places. As I board the big plane to Delhi, I think of my yearning to see the Taj Mahal. It was something I wanted to see with the love of my life. Since that plan never materialized, I am starting my journey with the one place I want to see before I die.
It was Diana who gave me the idea of finding a co-traveller on the internet so I didn’t have to make this journey alone. I set up a profile on the findatraveller.com website and waited for a match. This was similar to the matrimony sites but found travelers, not leashes. That is how I found Jay. It was his first time as well visiting the Taj Mahal. He was traveling from Paris to Delhi and the deal was to meet him at Delhi airport. Travel plans were made so we would arrive in Delhi a few hours apart.
I was really looking forward to this trip, a journey through the streets of Delhi followed by a tour of the palaces at Rajasthan. A ten day ordeal. I had packed my cotton clothes to beat the heat and had adviced Jay to do the same. I would wear an orange salwar and Jay said he would meet me at the Air India Lounge. I got there first and sat down browsing my phone waiting for Jay to arrive.
A coupe of hours passed before a pair of shoes planted themselves in front of me. I look up and “Anu?”, he asks.
I stand up as he takes two steps back. I extend my hand which he grabs with a strong hold.
“Yes.. Jay?”, I quip.
“Shall we go?”
“Yeah, let’s go”.
indupatikkal 