Recently, I got some relationship advice from a friend and it reads like this, “Dont think we are all equal or equipped to love the same or feel the same”.

This statement opened a lot of doors for me and I have been pondering over this for a few days.

I often wonder how this friend of mine is almost always there at the right time and right place to tap me on my shoulder and say, “wait, you need a little something”.

Honestly, this is the best piece of relationship advice I have received. It’s so true. Think of it, you can love anyone to any extent and innately you expect the other person to do the same. Whoever it is, your spouse, children, siblings, friends… But their measure of love for you is almost never the same. The age old, I love you, I love you more is surprisingly true. Understanding and accepting this imbalance keeps the balance in relationships. There is never a I-did-this-for-you-so-you-do-this-for-me in any relationship. The moment a transaction is brought in, the relationship goes downhill.

The millennials I know and hear about have such transactional relationships. There may be more freedom and space and all that but is there depth? Some of the people I know are just about themselves and “today”. What happened yesterday is of no value hence no gratitude, what will happen tomorrow will be the best thing because I am building it. Call me old school but the foundation of any person starts with his or her parents. Some of them are so full of themselves that not-equipped-to-love-the-same are ancient mythology.

It is sad but true that you as an individual are wholly and entirely responsible for yourself and yourself only. Every person around you is a support system, but not responsible for you likewise you are not responsible for them.

Have you noticed how powerful the word “ok” is? It’s one of those tiny unnoticed words that just exists and we take for granted like the wife in the house. It’s there, it does a lot of things but very very powerful! If you are stressed and expressing your point of view to your spouse, when your spouse says “ok”, it ends there. He or she may not agree, doesn’t matter but an overflow of not so nice words can be easily avoided by this miniscule word “ok”. It easily avoided the days of not talking after the conundrum where you rain down on each other with stress, frustration, reaction and what not. Get the idea?

When your teenage kid is venting out at you about his/her nonsensical problems arising out of puberty, just say “ok”. Believe me it will save you from the label of, “you-just-dont-understand”, or “you-never-understand-me”. Yes this tiny word can take you a long way with this person you created and taught the words that he or she is now using against you!

For a small period of time life goes on like a straight line with not many peaks and lows. Everyday is no different from the previous one or for that matter the next one. You know for sure when you go to bed, that tomorrow morning the sun will rise and set and everything in between will be the same. After a few years suddenly things change. Maybe God takes a break from his otherwise busy schedule into your life and thinks, well, she’s got used to this, let me pull the plug on her. I think, He thinks that it’s time for her to pray, so let me put in something teeny weeny blocks in her path. And so it goes. One thing leads to another and it’s all a mess again. He will most likely pull the plug on the people around you as well, at the same time, making the already complicated situation, more complicated. 

It’s just that time of the year. The only thing that will get everyone through to the other side and find the straight line once again, is F-A-I-T-H. 

All these lives that he has decided to disrupt will find the straight line in their own time. Getting through the mountain is the difficult part. At times like this you understand your are a part of so many other lives and blessed for the relationships and human strength around you; Yet you are alone on your way up the mountain. You have to make your own path to reach the top. 

Sometimes the mind draws a blank, wants to close its eyes and pretend that none of this is happening and you long to go back to those yesterdays where the sun rises and sets and everything in between is just like its yesterday. Yet it snaps back in a jiffy and you put the next foot forward. 

It’s especially difficult to see your children climb. Most times they just run to the top leaving you wondering why you were so worried in the first place. Their faith restores quickly, maybe because they are not so hung over on the nitty gritty of life and its drawstrings. They show us constantly just how easy it is to be happy and our busy adult minds refuse to see it because we are bogged down by our troubles.