Category: Random thoughts

Mohanlal 

On By Indu PatikkalIn Random thoughtsLeave a comment

There are innumerable articles about this man. There is a side of world that has never heard of him and there is another, that worships him. In his words, it’s the characters he plays on screen that the people know and appreciate. For me, I love the man, irrespective of whether he wears a wig or not, of whatever negative is written about it. Makes no difference. He is an artist and I love his art and his looks 😀.

I started watching his movies probably in the early nineties. Living in Bangalore access to his movies was limited apart from the video cassettes we rented from a malayali’s video shop and the Sunday afternoon doordarshan award winning movies. I hated those movies back then. 

There was one instance where I accompanied my cousins to watch Bharatham at a theatre in Perinthalmanna. I cried at the end of the movie and I was freakingly scared for a couple of days after that because of the photo of Nedumudi Venu they show after he is dead. That was my first tryst with Mohanlal. Then there is a memory of watching Maya Mayooram with my mother at a depleted Commercial Street theatre. Boeing Boeing was my childhood favorite, it was from a tiny collection of movies my family owned. It’s after I moved to Trivandrum in 2000 that my love for him started growing. I watched many of his movies, I still dare not say that I have watched most of his movies. So over the next five to seven years I stared at the charisma and persona in the movies, applauded his acting prowess and cried at the sad endings. 

Then came the year 2007. It is significant because my younger son was born that year, but its special for another reason. Mohanlal and group were coming to California for a show. Of course we would watch the show, because the venue was a few miles away from where we lived. The icing was something else. 

Our good friend told my husband and I the location of where Mohanlal would stay. It was a mile away from our house. Both of us are equally crazy about Mohanlal. So that October evening we (my husband, kids and my mother) went to the hotel and asked at the reception for Mohanlal. Just like that. The receptionist had no idea who this person was or what his aura was. She connected me to Mohanlal’s room. Somebody else picked the phone and said he was in discussions and to come at 7.30 am the next day. With a little hope still left we went back home.

The next day, that beautiful morning we wore our best clothes with a manual camera loaded with a new roll of film we went. Back at the reception I asked the same question, “we are here to meet Mohanlal”. She connected me to his room and on the other end I heard a “Hello”. There is no way I could have mistaken that voice. I could recognize it anywhere, anytime. My heart literally skipped a beat. I said “Hello Laletta (as he is popularly known), I am at the reception to meet you, I was told if we come at 7.30 we could meet you”. He said, “Oh is it? Do one thing, wait for 15 minutes, I will freshen up and be there”. The entire conversation was in Malayalam.

I hung up the phone and I was jumping for joy. Oh did I mention, my mother is also as crazy as me about him. So after the long fifteen minutes wait, he comes. You could just stare at his face. A yellow corduroy shirt and brown pants. Face just washed, fresh from sleep. There he was in all his glory. We exchanged a few pleasantries and took photographs. Since my husband and I were completely out of words, he suggested where to stand and asked one of his friends to take the picture. He posed and we clicked away. My mother told him that her favorite character was Vinod, from Thalavattam.


We offered our thanks, goodbye and left. 

It may not be a big deal to meet a movie star today, but that conversation on that beautiful October morning is a treasured memory and the conversation of a lifetime.

There is no one movie that a Mohanlal fan can pick and say that that is his or her favorite. There are just way too many because he has been a son, a father, a teacher, a doctor, a lover the list is endless. My most favorite character still remains the first time I fell in love with his magnanimous charisma, when I watched Bharatham.

Mohanlal is Mohanlal is Mohanlal.. period! And I love him, period.

The year gone by…

On By Indu PatikkalIn celebrate, Childhood memories, father, Friends, Good reads, growing up, Happiness, holiday, life, opinion, parenting, Random thoughts, realizationsLeave a comment

New year is always an opportunity to reflect on the year gone by and renew the hope within you to possibilities and achieve something new. Technically January 1st is just another day, when you reset the calendar. But over the years this day has filled the human with what a system reboot does to the computer. You wash out the junk and temp files, and make the system ready for new transactions.

As I look at the year gone by, it was an eventful year. So many high points, and low ones too, and definitely some valuable lessons, retaught in life’s mysterious ways.

I ticked off a few items from my things-to-do-before-I-die bucket list, and some were direct blessings from above delivered to me through people I love.

All through my childhood years, my parents never owned a car. The lack of it didn’t have any impact on the quality of our life either. We walked, took an auto, rode the bus. The memories created during those walks, holding my parents hands, the endless chattering during those 2km walks from school or my father’s office were filled with stories from my father’s childhood or general knowledge about the world. I am so glad there were no mobile phones then, to intrude into our privacy. The paradox of today’s life is that we drive to the gym to walk!

So it was not until I got married that I owned a car. All credit goes to my husband for pushing me to learn driving. He virtually gave me a pair of wings. Fourteen years hence, we walked into the BMW showroom and bought our first BMW, a black sedan. Honestly, buying a car or even a BMW is no big deal in the US. You get auto loans at good rates, you can own any car you want. What makes it a blessing is knowing from where you came and where life has taken you. Counting your blessing and the luxuries that God has blessed you with. The icing of all of these blessings, was driving my father in the BMW, which was his first ride in a BMW! Truly blessed!

So, you have read blogs about my childhood years, the house I grew up in. My mother always complained that she never owned a house, until her final years when my brother and I together with our parents built a house in Wayanad. After listening to years and years of her grumbling for her own house, she looked so calm and at peace sitting in the front yard of the finished house. She looked like finally she was home. The memory fresh in my mind. Maybe I got this from her, but I always wanted to my own house and didn’t want to have it towards the tad end of my life. I wanted it during a time when I was healthy enough to maintain it. So thanks to my husband again, he bought us our first home. This house is many times the size of the house I grew up in. Again, what makes it special is knowing from where I came and where life has brought me. I now strive to create half as many good memories for my children in this large expanse of space, as my parents created for my brother and I. Again, blessed!

She is the first lady in my husband’s family I met. She welcomed me into the family with the warmest hug and a heart full of love. In all the fourteen years I have known her, she has only given love. Such selfless love, I have only read in books. She battled the worst illness during her final years and even in those times, she spread the warmth she had been blessed with. It was only befitting that she named our eldest son, Nitin. The nicest soul life introduced me to along the way, moved on to find her place in heaven. In that leaving, she redeemed me and blessed me for the years when she wouldn’t be around. Blessed to have been part of her loved ones!

Then my appa! The seventy year old, handsome fella who applies hair dye so carefully and wans to look young as he gets older. His bald head being the only obstacle. After years of nagging, he finally boarded the big bird and crossed the seas to come see America! He saw less of America, and just more and more of Walmart in Bentonville and rain and snow in Seattle. The six months he spent with my brother and I comes to an end this week. Yet having him with either of us is so much of a relief than when he is alone in Bangalore, where I call him everyday just to make sure he is okay. As he has got older he has developed some irritating habits like all old people do (which even I will, I am sure) but what he has done for me over all these years, is our personal story and is so important in shaping the person that I am today. So blessed to be born to him!

I always love spending time with my parents and sibling. We relive our childhood years, like everyone else. This maybe more important and dear for daughters who even partially adopt a different family strain through marriage. Being yourself with no strings attached is so endearing and happens only with your own parents and siblings. I got a week of this bliss when I went to Seattle to spend time with my brother and father. As I left Seattle there were underlying fears that I kept hitting down like whac-a-mole arcade game, yet the happiness of that one week is a treasure. Blessed to get that one week of me!

When you stay in a different country and miss your best friends often, getting even a 24 hour time period with them is a treat! 90% of the time is filled mostly with nonsense chatter, laughs, laughs and more laughs. At the end of the day the memory of that time brings a smile to your face. When life doesn’t offer you the best, this is where you huddle into, your punching bag, with no promises and explicit professing of the depth of the relationship. Its the knowing that they are which makes all the difference. The two nonsense-chatter people in my life have stayed on for sixteen years straight now. I can’t imagine my life without these two. Blessings!

Grandparents are a treasure. My children were blessed with another set of grandparents and their unlimited love throughout last year. My children are a bit more affectionate, softer, respectful because of the affection they were showered with by these grandparents. I am ever so grateful, that my children got this opportunity at love during these years of their life which will definitely play its part in the people they will become. Blessed again!

Letting go is difficult. Dipping myself in that cold water early in the morning, following the steps the priest dictated, putting rice and reciting those mantras supposedly frees my mother. It is not sadness or tears that I felt, its a frozen state accentuated by the dip. With my father beside me, its like she tied the bond a bee wit tighter. It was a low time, no doubt. But in the knowing that I was born to a fighter with a never-say-die attitude is the biggest blessing I have received. Her attitude to move on in spite of all obstacles is what she passed on to me. Blessed!

There were low times, but at the end of the day who wants to remember them. They are best let go. People whom I misjudged, people who helped you sail through during tough times, everything a blessing, a learning. There were days when there is no light at the end of the tunnel, just then the ray of hope shines in the form of a person or the inner strength or the force that helps go on. Through it all, God has been the invisible strength either directly or through people whom he placed in my life.

Yes, new year is a Ctrl+Alt+Del system reboot. Bring on the new challenges and blessings!

May 2017 be filled with blessings, again!

Cooking

On By Indu PatikkalIn growing up, Happiness, life, opinion, Random thoughts, realizations, WomanLeave a comment

Cooking is an art – whoever said this, uttered the truth. When you sketch, you need to feel the paper, use the correct pencil, every stroke makes a difference. When you make jewelry, you need to pick the correct beads, string them in the right sequence to make something beautiful. When you paint, your canvas, paints, brushes, strokes all of them matter. Its the same with cooking. You need the right utensils, spices, oil, vegetables/meat, sequence of events and above all, the P word – Patience.

Like all art forms, cooking needs an enormous amount of patience. If the onion is a tad bit undercooked or overcooked, it makes a difference to the end product taste which is probably another ten steps away. There are people who cook in a hurry and yet get it right most of the time. Yet, the speed is not in the cooking, its the speed in multitasking or tricks to get to the end product sooner.

My oldest memory of cooking goes back to that tiny 100 to 150 sq ft of space lines with built in shelves of cement on the right side, a sink again made of cement on the other, with stands on either side to keep the washed utensils, on the left side. There was a tap that opened into the sink, unfortunately, water never flowed through the tap. There was a plastic basin or bucket on the side, from which we fished out water to wash the utensils. This basin and back up plastic drums was religiously refilled everyday morning by my father who carried the water up two floors before he went to office. The two sides was connected with a wooden plank of about 10 feet by 3 feet on which we kept the stove. This was the third side of the kitchen. Initially this was a single electric coil, till we became modern and got a gas stove that had an automatic lighter. My father uses this stove even today!

The right side of shelves was lined with red circular plastic containers with off-white lids. These were remains of some washing powder we bought in those days. Then there were a couple of huge aluminum canisters to store rice, atta. There was a green basket to store onions and potatoes – this again still lingers on in my father’s kitchen today. There were Red Label Tea plastic bottles to store the smaller volume items like dal etc.

It was sweaty during summer. There was a small window which she opened to let some air inside, but quickly shut off because the gas flames would go any which way. The kitchen was always crowded except for the center area where we sat down to cut the vegetables or knead the flour or roll out the chapathis. There was a waste basket in one corner, which was cleared out everyday at the bell of the worker who cleared out trash from households. As soon as the bell rang, we would carry that bag of trash and run down two floors to hand over the valuables. Later, we got modern and played catch by throwing it from the second floor at the direction of the worker.

My mother cooked here three times a day for us for almost thirty years! I know now, that I would have hated it. I am sure my mother was not a fan of the kitchen she had to succumb to. I wouldn’t have been if I had to cook in there for thirty years. But she made sure there was food on our plates.

It was a very humble dwelling compared to what I cook in today. Yet the lesson I learnt about cooking has not changed. The single most important one being – whatever you cook, you need to cook it with love. You can add the best spices, give it all the time you have, yet when you cook with love, the end product tastes the best. Is it the love for food? No. It is love for the fact that you are going to feed someone. In the Malayalam movie Usthad Hotel, Anjali Menon wrote for Thilakan – when you feed someone you should fill their heart.

Whatever my mother felt in that kitchen one element for sure was love, coz she filled our hearts every time we ate.

Love you Ma!

 

 

 

“Apprehension” – a big word

On By Indu PatikkalIn growing up, opinion, Random thoughts, realizationsLeave a comment

I fear a lot of things. I don’t know if others are like this, because I cannot get into anyone else’s mind. I am not scared, but I fear. Scared I feel is a word of present or past tense. Fear is associated with the future. So what am I fearful of? Oh many things. Like, my kids will fall sick, I might have an accident, I may never become a successful writer, the curry I am cooking will go bad, my kids will be late to school (this is my every school day fear), I may become very poor one day, and so on and on and on.. Constantly feels like I am sitting on the tip of the iceberg and the ice will melt anytime, plunging me down into a deep canyon. Oh! and my biggest ever fear, one I have carried all my life, is associated with my father.

I have thought about, why do I fear all this? What is to happen, will happen. I know this, I mean yes, I know this for a fact. I accept it, but the apprehension of what ill may come constantly lingers on my mind. Although when the ill thing happens, I am the bravest person around. I can handle situations which are a real pain in the wrong places, extremely smoothly. There are many people who know me and will vouch this for a fact. But the anticipation or the wait just kills me. Does that sound like a paradox? No, I am not crazy. Am I waiting for something bad to happen or am I cautious about it? I think its mid way.

Maybe the word is apprehension. I remember taking a personality quiz in the 7th grade at Bishop Cottons, organized by Times of India. At the end of the long set of never-ending questions, a complete stranger looked at my answers and told me I was apprehensive about the future. Honestly, I had no idea what the word apprehension meant. It looked like a good word to play the find-simpler-words-from-a-long-word game.

Now I know. Did that stranger have a magic wand, or was I extremely truthful on that personality quiz. Whatever it was, it was damn good a quiz!

So yes, I am apprehensive – anxious or fearful that something bad or unpleasant will happen. Are a lot of people like this? Sitting on the iceberg? I guess not, rather, I hope not. Its not a very nice place to be, with the tip poking at your bottom all the time, making you feel like you are walking on a stack of needles or shard glass all the time. In this phrase lies the truth “walking on shards of glass”. You can never cut yourself whilst walking on shards of glass!! Yes, I’ve done it (as part of a team building camp out from work), nothing happened. I reached the other end of the ground, tears running down my cheeks, exploding with happiness, that I had overcome my fear!

So much for apprehensions?

I have probably reached the mid point of my life, or maybe a little past mid point. There are moments (sometimes minutes) where I delve into life, its meaning, where we come from, where we are heading. In these lapses of self-digging, I realize that at this point in life, I am going through a churning, a reflection of sorts on yesterday, today and tomorrow. There is a crossover that is happening from youth to the next stage, where we start looking at things from a higher altitude. Not 360 degrees yet, maybe 180? Through this looking glass, the apprehensions become clearer, through this knowing, building defense mechanisms becomes easier, through these defense mechanisms, life becomes simpler!

Cheers to this wonderful, blessed yet convoluted creation called life!

Making peace..

On By Indu PatikkalIn Random thoughtsLeave a comment

Like the keys of the piano

They rise one after the other

One black

Next white

White is the hope

Black is the abysmal darkness

There are more black keys

Weighing down

The white ones struggle

To get that gentle press

As the music plays

I waltz in its Symphony

Knowing that soon

A black key will be pressed

And in that knowing

I find peace.

In the silences..

On By Indu PatikkalIn Random thoughtsLeave a comment

As he sat there in the stillness of the night, birds cooing somewhere up high, fireflies skimming through the air, lights of houses in the distance, the vast lake lying in tranquility, the noises of his present in the background, his past flashed before his eyes.

Her love that was so dear to him, yet he threw away in an instant. Naina, from whom and for whom his days started and ended. The center of his universe. The life that could have been, that he washed away. The laughter from the soul, the smiles from the heart, the inner joy of being oneself.

The perils of relationships that he was now brought into. The net he wanted to seep through. The bonds that existed yet, invisible. The non existent companionship he longed for. The wait for a new sunrise. The mechanical conundrum that awaited him each morning. The solitude of his silence that resonated around him. His inner voice that wanted to emerge, his soul waiting to dance like old times.

In that precise moment..

He realised..

He was made for greater things.. !!